It’s All About ME, ME, ME

It’s been quiet on here for the last few weeks. It’s not like I haven’t been gaming (Navajo Wars, a solo run of France ’40Rampage with the kids, plenty of iPad gaming, playtesting Tony Boydell’s new solitaire card game Lux Aeterna, not to mention ongoing play-by-email games of Red Winter and France ’40 using VASSAL, and Cruel Necessity is set up and ready to go on the table behind me right now); it’s just that I haven’t had the mental capacity for much beyond that. My little game design project: dormant. Learning new wargame systems (OCS, Panzer Grenadier and GBoH, I’m looking at you): dormant. Even reading Sandman has stalled a bit. I’d previously ploughed through a volume in a day or two; now I’m lucky to read a single chapter in a day.

France '40: that's one almighty Belgian clusterhump.

France ’40: that’s one almighty Belgian clusterhump.

All suspicions were confirmed by a specialist on Monday: I am indeed suffering the return of chronic fatigue syndrome (aka ME, which isn’t a name I use but it’s one most people have heard of). Interestingly, he believes it never actually went away after my previous episode aged 16; rather, I subconsciously adapted my lifestyle to suit what I was capable of, leading me to believe I was fully functional when in fact the underlying problem was still… um… underlying. It wasn’t until I attempted teacher training that I was consistently pushed beyond what I could manage – thus the relapse.

But with the diagnosis confirmation comes referral to various therapy teams and a slew of ideas on how to manage this condition. That means I should be able to better manage my energy (both physical and mental) and make conscious decisions about where I’m going to direct it. With better management comes greater capacity, or so the thinking goes, and the specialist hopes to have me back to a reasonable level of function by the end of the year. So, although I may be quiet-ish for a while longer, I hope to get back on my various horses in good time. Onwards and upwards from here!

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